The other day I was having a little bit of a down day, not a lot, just a little bit! So I decided to put on some comfort music and calm my soul. I decided to play Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits. Love that music. One song on the album has stuck with me for days now. The Boxer. Great song to begin with, but one part especially has resonated in my soul and has taught me a few insights about myself! Here is the part:In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
I have empathy for the boxer. I "carry the reminders of ev'ry glove" that has layed me down in recent years. I feel worn and beat. Often I feel anger. Often in my heart I declare also that "I am leaving" or maybe just giving up. It is too much for little old me to handle.
But I also am a fighter. For that reason I remain - strong, capable and ready for the next match I will have to face. No matter how many times I have been called to fight, I haven't given up, I have stood strong till the end and I am conquering.
I really think these lines are heaven sent. They remind me who the Lord knows that I am. He has always known that I was strong enough to conquer. He has always known that I have a fighter spirit and won't be easily beaten. He has always known I am up to the tasks at hand. It always strengthens so much to remember what the Lord knows about me - all the things I forget.
Second, my grandpa passed away a couple of weeks ago. I have thought a lot about him and his life. It was not a perfect life. My grandpa fought many demons in this life. He fought addictions also. Many of my decisions to stay away from addictive substances stems from not wanting to ever be in his shoes. I am so grateful he does not have to fight those addictions in his mortal body any more. It must be a relief.
On the other hand, I will miss my grandpa's laugh so much. Even as I type this I can hear in my mind his laugh. He always thought everything we did was so funny. He loved us all so much - that is not in doubt. I want to be as happy as he was. I really want to find the funny side of what is happening in life. I don't think he was always this way, but somehow learned. It gives me hope I can learn to find joy in all things too!
5 comments:
Those are some deep thoughts! Thanks for that. There's so much I can learn from this post. And you're right... you are a fighter!! I am often amazed by how you handle the trials that have been thrown at you. Love ya girl!!
The truth is you are so much tougher than you think you are!!! I wish you could see yourself how the rest of us see you. You are a fighter and an example to all.[I noticed you have a few 'weed wishers' on your layout;)
I know how tough you are! You survived all the creepy men in Portugal! You are a great example.
A story for you: I was working out yesterday and really struggling--wanting to quit. (I'm trying to get my sad little self in shape enough to not come in last at the Ogden Marathon 5K this Saturday--runnin' for Travis!)
I had earphones in and had chosen the "shuffle" mode. I was just about to get off the treadmill when what song should "happen" to come on but "The Boxer" (I have thousands of songs on my player--this was no coincidence). I had just read your post the day before, and wouldn't you know it? I kept goin'!! I hung on, pushed through, and wound up catching a second wind, going farther than I ever have before.
Just want to thank you for your words, example, and encouragement. Your post came at the perfect moment in my life and helped me with something that has been really tough for me as a total and complete non-runner. Thank you, friend!!
Jen,
Oh how I miss you! you are still inspiring to me and I love S & G, they are one of my all time favorites. You are truly a fighter and I am still here to support you in that fight. Jamie
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